Flashback: Reba Rambo: Confessions

Heartbreak sucks. The closest I can come to explaining the feeling of rejection, abandonment and the disintegration of a love that was believed to exist, is to say that it feels as if one's very guts have been ripped out with a rusty hook. The violation of trust. The betrayal. The removal of all that was thought to be. Yes. The drama.

I don't think any album has more eloquently described the process more accurately than Reba Rambo's Confessions.

Written in the midst of a devastating divorce, Reba dared to go where no Christian artist had gone before (once again). Originally titled It's Okay To Hurt, she bared her soul. She bared so much of her soul in this album that Light Records even asked her if she could even say all of this on a Christian album. Much to their credit, they gave her the opportunity to see.

The entire first side chronicles the trauma that she experienced. Even in exposing the pain, her faith was somehow the anchor even as she walked through the feelings:

He never turned His back on me
when I was in the wrong place at the wrong time
beaten and robbed: left to die
He never turned His back on me
when you lifted your white robes and walked on by
Talking of shame...judging my life
He never stopped to question
He made His way through all the hurt to reach my need
He cared for me

The first three songs seamlessly segue into one another..."He Never Turned His Back On Me" sails into the achingly sorrowful "I Won't Last a Day" and then into the gospel-ish "I Cry Out To You", which fades with Reba almost entering a primal scream..."You hear me...you hear me...you hear me..." While discussing this album with a friend today, he asked a question that perhaps best summarizes the emotion expressed throughout this album, but specifically, in these first three songs: "How many people were bleeding in the studio like Reba was?"

"Struggle For Survival" finds Reba in a place of determination...and Side 1 ends with the anthem-ish "Don't Give Up". Aside from being one of her most poignant lyrics, it is one of the most lush tracks ever produced by the brilliant Dony McGuire. He pulled a stratospheric vocal performance from Reba, ending with Reba sounding off with a note that could rival a trumpet blast.

If Side 1 chronicled "The Struggle", then Side 2 details "The Healing". Where Side 1 was melancholy, Side 2 is joyful. The "At Last I Found Love" and "With a Friend Like You" suite channels a Chaka Khan & Rufus influence that is infectious...downright jubilant.

You wrapped yourself like a patchwork quilt
around the loneliness in my heart
You warmed me up with a steaming cup
of the sweetest love my soul's ever known
You make me feel at last I belong
in your arms I found a permanent home
Ain't gonna run away, ain't gonna hide no more
cuz I found what I've been searching for...
love

While I'd always heralded "Because of Whose I Am" as the theological centerpiece of the album, it was in re-listening to the album this week in the midst of my own process, that perhaps the most ignored track on the album because the most significant to me.

"I've Got It All" is the another installment in a line of Reba compositions that begs us to revisit our concept of God...and ourselves. While her reading of "Just As I Am" from Lady began the discussion, "He Can Be" from The Prodigal...According to Reba boldly continued the probing. Then "Just Can't Believe It's You" (on Dreamin') subtly reiterated the concept. "I've Got It All" seems to be a continued exploration of oneness with God:

You wake me with the day You made
Send the morning laughing across my room
Glad it's not the way it was before you came
And made me believe in me
and the simple things
the beauty of the love created in me
I don't have to worry if I don't have much money
I'm blessed with your riches and that's what's most important

I've got it all as long as I've got you
If it's rain or sunny I don't mind
I'm content to know you live inside
You're the Lord of everything and I'm your child
and I've got it all if I've got you

The album's closer, "A Perfect Heart", continues this train of thought...

I'm amazed at His talents
Stand in awe of One so great
Now my soul begins to sing out
to the Source form which it came

Confessions, released in 1980, was the last solo album comprised of entirely original material by Reba to ever be recorded (Her last solo album, Lady Live, was released in 1982) and what a statement this album was. I get emails from people all the time looking for this album on CD...and hear accounts all the time of how this album has carried people through many a painful process.

As I have been walking through my own dark night of the soul, this is the album that has been the soundtrack of that experience. While it was been a part of my life since 1980, I had never been to the depths of it until this past week...and it has been like the strongest hand with fingers intertwined with mine...walking me through the backside of the desert.

Once again, thank you Reba for living the song.

Be sure to check my interview with Reba and hear more about the making of Confessions. Click here.

Reba performs "At Last I Found Love" in 1980 below!